An Oldie: SAFE!! (Originally Posted 4.20.2011)

SAFE!

It takes a special person to be a stay-at-home-mom! I have always felt that it was one of the hardest jobs in the world, albeit rewarding, very hard! At times I have felt it was harder than a 9-5. 

So, today, as I flew down Metro Parkway going about 70 mph, I thought of this. 

I have a meeting that is scheduled to start anywhere from 10-11:30am every Wednesday, I know this, but had my fingers crossed it was closer to 10...it started at 11. I had to leave no later than 11:15 to get to the school for "Fish Days" with my Olivia. I left at 11:25...

Back to my thoughts on 16 Mile Road...it takes a special person to be a stay-at-home-mom. It is one of the hardest, albeit rewarding, jobs in the world. 

Now, I know my girl, and I know that as each minute ticked past 11:45 her heart sank a little deeper into her stomach, as did mine. So as my fingers tapped the steering wheel and I whispered, repeatedly, "come on...come on...come on" to myself. I thought of my SAHM friends, and I got jealous of their job. I was not jealous because they never have to rush to the school, or a concert or doctor’s appointment (because I know that they do). I was not jealous that they didn't have to ask for permission or report their duties to attend a function or tend to their sick child. I was jealous because they don't have to choose between their job and their children's experiences. I was jealous of all the little moments that they get to experience while they volunteer or chaperone. All the times when their children whisper to their friend and point across the room and say, "that's my mom". I have always said, I'm a mom first! And that goes without saying, even here. But whether I like it or not, I must choose. And I chose "Fish Days"...today...and I was going to miss it. 

So, as I flew into the parking lot, slammed my still rolling van into park, ran into the school, through sign-in at the office and up the 2 flights of stairs to her room, I slid into Home Plate...with my pants torn, dirt under my fingernails and unable to breath, just in enough time to hear the Ump say "SAFE"!! SAFE?? Safe? I had missed her "Fishy" accomplishments read in front of the class, missed her smiling at me with all the pride in the world on her shoulders as her teacher told ME what an amazing child she was (like I didn't already know). The thought of her standing up there alone looking out at everyone else’s parents left a hole in my heart. I had missed it! And then as soon as I had missed it, as soon as the lump in my throat grew larger than I thought I could swallow Olivia said "SAFE!". She smiled...bigger than ever without an ounce of disappointment on her face. 

We sat down to our special lunch and chatted about what was said, what she did in the morning and their class plans in the afternoon. It was like only I noticed what was missed. Cause only I missed it. When I apologized for the 5th time for letting her down, for not being there, she said without hesitation, very quizzically, holding her half-eaten quesadilla, "What do you mean? You're here". And that was it!

When lunch was over, and we went through every nook and cranny of her classroom the teacher lined up the "Fishy Friends" of the week. Olivia gave me a huge hug, kissed me on the cheek and got in line. I walked with her to the door and out in the hallway to leave, with the lump still in my throat. This time not because of the self-loathing I had felt that day but because next time, when I am running for Home and I get there just in the nick of time I will not notice my dirty pants and nails or try to catch my breath, I will look up and see my amazing children cheering me on as they always have. I will make sure that I will remember their patience, support, and willingness to work as a team in our game of life. 

Standing in the hallway I turned around to wave one last time, as I always do, there was my Olivia, whispering to her friend while pointing at me saying "that's my mom". 

Today I learned that even if it is a close call in the end, the unwavering faith my children have in me as their mother makes me a special person. Special like a stay-at-home-mom, only different. I am special because the little people that I love more than anything allow me to have a full-time career and be a full-time mom. So, just like a SAHM, my career-job and my mom-job is hard, really hard, but without those little people, it would be impossible. All those moments I am jealous of, all those moments that make being a mom special, they make sure to save them for me.

XOXO April